starting this blog over...

so i started with this blog last year...and forgot about it. lol. i feel the need to write again.
im falling apart as usual. although school is going well, my eating disorder is starting to get worse once more. i was ok for a month. i wasnt as depressed and was eating what i wanted, when i wanted. which leads to weight gain. cuz lets face it...im not exactly thin. im not that depressed right now, but i felt the need to go back to my safe place...aka ED. ive thrown up everyday this week and it fucking sucks! i feel like this is the only way i know how to loose weight, considering every time i try to do it "right", i always end up back with ED. its like im destined to be fucked up forever. go me.