suck it

fucking diet. i hate how i always fuck up my good eating. i just beat myself up over it. im all or nothing and am trying to change that. seriously sucks. im just trying to do shit right and my scale gets on my nerves, food gets on my nerves, my mom gets on my nerves. i wish there was no way for me to get food. wish i could just starve everything off and it all be gone. i know this sounds ridiculous and irrational, but i wish starving could only be that easy. im behind on running...still. and im going to be fat forever. i dont feel like it will ever change. god i hate myself so much!!! im starting to feel empty again and its not a good feeling.