annoyed

my uncle is a total fucking douche. he had the nerve to come outside to tell me to shut my dog up when he lets his dog howl and bark while im trying to sleep. next to that he talks over me. seriously hes an ass. no wonder hes not fucking married. shit will go down if he tries to be an ass tomorrow. i have no problem yelling over him. and if he tries to give me shit about how he let me stay at his house while he was in iraq...i have no problem telling him he owes me 100 bucks for cleaning his nasty ass carpet. fucking douche. and i refuse to call him uncle until he acts like one. fucking weirdo.

mood killer

i was on st cecilias website to see when the festival is and i noticed they have an eating and weight issues group. so i went, of course. and it would figure that im the only bulimic person there. everyone else over eats. so theres like 5 of us and we're going around talking and they're talking about recipes and stuff and laughing with each other. and then they get to me. i start talking about my shit and everything suddenly gets serious. awesome. i dont like sympathy. it makes me feel awkward. and the whole situation was awkward. usually how it is when you're the only one with an eating disorder in the group. it was like everyone was suddenly quiet and totally focused on me. it was like being back in IOP and telling everyone that i was 12 points behind on my meal plan(which i was so proud of). but yea...it was that feeling. like an oh shit its heavy in here feeling. ill probably go back tho. mainly because they were nice and want me to come back.

i feel like im forever going to be a psych patient. awesome.

doctor

i go to an endocrinologist because i have polycystic ovarian syndrome. basically i need birth control for my body to function normally. well i am now out of birth control and need to go to the docs to get more.

heres the problem, i dont want to go.

why? because i weigh even more then i did a year ago. when i go i tell them not to tell me my weight (the scale is in kilos) but the doctor comes in and freaking tells me anyway. pisses me off. cuz i dont need someone else, once again, telling me that i need to loose weight. i fucking know i do! im not dumb. why in the hell did he think i needed labs for intensive outpatient anyway? for fun? no.

so im avoiding it like the plague. i should just seriously go to plan parenthood...but i think theres more meds they need to put me on anyway. this really shouldnt be an issue. but ive made it one. if i could just drop 20 lbs...then i can go....