kellan lutz?

yes please. lol

great idea

my manager mentioned that he had a great idea today. since we're all fat at pizza hut, we should make losing a weight a competition. yea. great idea for me. basically he wants everyone to throw in 10 bucks and after six weeks who ever loses the most weight gets the money. i totally want in. but i know i shouldnt. ill win...but it wont be done right. i know i can lose the weight fast if theres money involved! so idk. ill have to think about it.

job

im so annoyed. i went in for an interview a couple weeks ago. the guy told me that he would call me at the beginning of this week....well its now saturday. i called on thursday and the lady said he was still in the decision making step. right. i mean the least they can do is give me the courtesy to call and tell me they dont want me. so i just went ahead and applied some place else!! it really gets under my skin when someone will tell you they'll call you...and they dont. and i really need this 2nd job!! i signed my lease a couple days ago...but they still need me to make $2,130 a month. i make between $1600-$1800...so im almost there. just need that 2nd damn job cuz i move in in september!!! grrrrr!!

good news i havnt been purging. or binging. restricting some. so ive been losing weight. but ive been doing ok since ive signed my lease. just happy i have somewhere nice to go! way excited to have my own place! :D

bad vs good

group tonight. i ended up talking, once again, about how i will not change on the fact that there is good food and bad food. back in IOP they tried to tell me that there is no bad food. as long as it fits in your meal plan, you can eat it. my deal is that after 21 years of thinking one way, i can not be changed that quickly. i feel like this is more than likely a problem. if i cant accept that there is no bad food, i will forever be bulimic. but having your mom tell you almost everyday of your life that everything you eat is bad, it becomes part of your way of thinking therefore making it almost impossible to change. and what makes it more ridiculous is that there are sub groups of good and bad foods. for example, say you have grilled chicken. this is considered a good food to my mom. it has good protein in it and its not fried. but, if you have an extra piece, its bad. so a good food can ultimately turn into bad if you have seconds. i can eat any good food (veggies, chicken....hell even pasta) but as soon as ive eaten more then my mom considers too much, it is bad. doesnt matter what it fucking is. its bad. no ifs ands or buts. i now think this way. i have been mind fucked by my mom and her strange relationship with food. i see no end to this. and sorry if this paragraph doesnt make sense. i didnt even try to make it go together.

lame

i have nothing to right about. ive closed for the past 4 nights at work. making some good money but im getting sick of closing.

i have acid reflux. it sucks.

oa

i decided to go to an overeaters anonymous group tonight just to see what its like. not gonna lie, i was bored. so unlike what im used to, all we did was sit around talking out of the alcoholics anonymous book and then commented on it. for one, im not an alcoholic so reading out of it kind of threw me off. two, we couldnt cross talk so all you did was talk about something you were struggling with and thats it. and three, some of it was utter crap. one lady was saying how food caused her to have an accident. wtf? she said that the oil in fried food clogged the vessels in her eyes so she almost crashed. like im sure it helps her to say that to help her recover or whatever. and no offense to her but i just thought it was total bs. plus there was some god talk. not like talking to an evangelical christian god talk. but i dont really get how god can help you overcome eating too much. i think its really all in peoples head. god gave us free will. i dont think he;s going to change our way of thinking.

but anywho. i get to continue going to support group. which is good. i feel like our group goes deeper and can talk openly. its so much more helpful!