slipping

slipping back into wanting to binge and purge. i started WW and was doing good. then i failed and started pigging out. now im stressing about grades cuz im afraid ill get kicked out and im feeling fatter than ever! bulimia has always been my crutch and im wanting to lean on it. i dont even feel like fighting it now. i miss the feeling. i miss when my ED was at its worst and i was thinner. i want that thin back. i wasnt happy...but shit, at least i wasnt fat!

btw the national eating disorder awareness week is next week. i made a bulimia recovery bracelet...i think i need to change it...

oh mary jane

i get 49 weekly points to use as extras for the week. not only did i blow them all last night, but probably blew the next 3 weeks worth! i was so fucking high i had m&ms, velvetta cheese and shells, twinkies, rice krispie treats cereal, more m&ms....it was bad. i need to stop eating when im high. its causing a problem. :P

i also

want some taco bell!!

fighting boredom

god i want a stuffed crust pizza so fucking bad!!! its 1145pm and i want to eat for no reason. eat and purge is kind of the plan. but im already on a losing streak and i dont want to ruin that! i think ill just post a pic of the pizza here so i can look at it...

fuck the hut

ok seriously, im really getting sick of working at pizza hut. how in the hell am i supposed to lose weight with pizza around me all day! i kept to my points yesterday but tonight i broke down and had a couple pieces. not just any pieces...stuffed crust pizza! GRRR! i seriously hope this gets easier cuz i want to go throw up all this fucking food! but i wont. ive gone too long witout doing it and i cant give in now!

ww

along with trying this raw thing i also started back on weight watchers. yea i know one diet after the other. at least im not eatng gross dehydrated food!

trying to watch House...

but thanks bulimia for giving me the worst acid reflux ever!!!